Random coin flipping

When I was a child, I never kept a journal. My sister did. I was always curious what she found to write about every day. Now that I am keeping this blog (and, yes I am keeping it), I realize there is a value to it. It is not like every detail of my life is here like it would be in a typical journal. But at a higher level, I believe there is a good amount of notes to trace back what I have been through and to reflect on.
It has been raining cats and dogs for four days now and I have been in my cave thinking. Then I wanted to write and remembered the existence of this blog. I read the last post and crashed in tears. Since my last post, can my world change so much? It had actually gone upside down, I realize. How did I end up being a professor? In a totally different country? By myself. Sometimes, I feel like an alien thrown out to live this particular life. As if, there are millions of light years between the old and the new. Of course, it is not like I have no roots to remind me of who I am. I definitely do. I love my parents, my sister, and my husband. But as I am alone in this 40m2 one-room house for three days now, working on a presentation, watching an entire season of Breaking Bad, meditating, and making it till dawn, I feel like a coin. One side heads: Where am I? Why am I here? What am I doing? I do feel loved and loving but all from a distance. Where is everybody? When is my show going to begin? Is it going to begin? And the other side tails: This is like what I dreamt when I was a kid though that house was much smaller and in the middle of nowhere. Hell yes, I am enjoying every bit of this whatever we can call it the scene / chain of moments / life more than ever and this time I know the only way is up and forward.
Oh God, the Holy Mother help us with the whole new world we are creating...